My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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