I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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