Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
