i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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