Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
