Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
