something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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