you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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