so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
