My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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