I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
