Kareoke will never be a sober sport
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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