I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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