How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Randomize
