WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
