Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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