He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
