Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
