I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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