Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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