Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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