So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
