College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
