upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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