Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
