you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
