I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
