I'm eating all of the evidence.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
