The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
