U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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