He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
