He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
