would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
