Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
