There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
