Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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