I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My pussy is not your playground.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
