What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cockslap morals
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
