U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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