YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
