You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
