I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
