there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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