Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
