isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
