i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
