He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
