Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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