Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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