How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
