I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
