Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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