Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
