Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The maid of honor just puked.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
