when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
