At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
