My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
